my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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