I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
