I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
