I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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