i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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