dude i'm inner monologue high
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
