We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
