literally had 100 drinks last night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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