So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
