dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
