I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
