I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
