Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
