I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
