I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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