The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
