Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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