Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
