You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ladies don't puke and tell
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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