Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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