In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
