im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
