Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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