my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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