You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
