So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
