Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
