I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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