At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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