I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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