they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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