He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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