On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
