just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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