The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize