when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
