Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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