It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
