he wants to bone in the snuggie
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
