I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
COCAINE IS GR8
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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