You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize