Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
