I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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