come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
