How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
