The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
