In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
