next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
