Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
