my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
