the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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