i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize