I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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