; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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