I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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