Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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