You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
