best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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