Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize