I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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