stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize