He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
