Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize