What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
