I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
