I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize