well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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