omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
