Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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