Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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