All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
