i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
