You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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