her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
