Someone shit on the floor
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
