Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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