I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
